Don't even ask.

I appear to have a severe case of startitis. I solved my crise du jour from yesterday by choosing something from the stash AND buying more yarn. I am heartily ashamed of myself.

I now have a sweater, a blanket, mittens, four pairs of socks, and a secret project in the works. Ridiculous.

Hosed

I have me a problem. I was going to make some thank-you socks for someone with some of my socks that rock from Blue Moon Fiber Arts, using the Monkey pattern from designer Cookie A. This was going to be awesome because I not only had the pattern printed out from Knitty.com, I also had saved the episode of Knitty Gritty where Cookie A. made this sock. Also, I have more STR in the stash than is decent to confess.

The expert knitter who happens to use the same resources as me will have already seen the problem. Cookie A.'s Knitty Gritty socks are not the same as Cookie A.'s Monkey socks. Two similar, but different patterns. One is toe-up. One is toe-down.

Cookie A.'s Knitty Gritty socks are STR heavyweight. All I have is lightweight and mediumweight. I have no sock yarn in a comparable gauge. None I tell you. If you saw my sock yarn stash dumped out on the sofa right now, you'd find that hard to believe, but it's true.

Cookie A.'s Monkey socks are knit in something I don't have and can't recall ever seeing. I think I have something comparable, but I may have to diddle with needle size and rip it back a few times before I get gauge. Sending an incorrectly sized pair of socks to this particular person is not an option.

Upshot: I cannot just pick a color and begin. I have to either (1) BUY MORE YARN (and wait for it to ship) or (2) DO SOME MATH and some experimentation. These options suck. There is no point to buying one skein of sock yarn and my stash is already huge. Although.... We do have a new shed that came with the 1.8 billion dollar landscaping. I could hide it in there. No! Bad Bunny! Economy Plan, remember?

But, math? Whine? Gauge futzing? Whine. No fun.

Seven

Is it?


It IS!!

The next sock club sock, designed by Yarn Harlot herself.

By the way, one of the recent new Knitty Gritty episodes involved knitting with yarn made from dog hair. I suppose one can knit from anything fibrous. I suppose I could learn to make yarn from my hairbrush leavings or The Man's bathtub detritus if I bothered to learn to spin. [I read somewhere that Germany requires citizens to recycle hair. That can't be true.] Everything I have ever knit since GK came to live here has contained dog hair. Do I really need dog hair yarn?

Six

I spent a lot of time in waiting rooms today, unable to read because my eyes were dilated, so it was a good knitting day.

I finished and blocked the cuffs of the next sock club sock.



I finished the Monsoon socks. Now they go in the mail.

I also finished the fair isle dog sweater. Here is handsome model YB, mid-yawn:

Don't be fooled by the happy-ish look on his face. He is yawning, not smiling. He does not like the sweater and sat very stiffly and uncomfortably during his photo shoot. He looks adorable in it, though, and it's really for me and not him. I'll probably make him wear it for a few minutes once in a while so I can admire his cuteness.

Five

The Monsoon socks are coming right along. I have turned the heel, and am about halfway up the leg:

Sez The Man: exactly what appendage are you attempting to clothe anyway? I agree; the short-row toe bears an unfortunate resemblance to something my mother does not have. Once it’s on the foot, however, it looks like a sock for the foot. Plus, Mother of Dirtbunny will find it funny. She, after all, is the one who refers to cookies as either male or female depending on whether or not they contain nuts.

Sock Club Socks: I’ve done the first cuff and four out of five repeats on the second cuff.

Secret project: I have completed phase one. I finally got gauge, sort of, and can block it the rest of the way. So one down, three to go on that.

Fair Isle dog sweater: The body is done, about two-thirds of the ends are woven in, I only need to edge the armholes, and it is beautiful.


My first-ever fair isle. Gorgeous.

At this point, I am going to rat out The Man for one of his most vexing character flaws. He is a muggle, which is what the Yarn Harlot calls non-knitters. When he saw this fabulous work of art, he was complimentary, but that was it. He doesn’t get it. He has no clue that this dog sweater represents not just a work of incredible beauty, but (being Bunny’s first-ever attempt at Fair Isle and having come out flawlessly) also reflects Bunny’s mad knitting skillz and ginormous talent. Bunny can sight-read a pattern and come up with something spectacular using a technique she has never tried before. Bunny is a goddess. The Man’s mere compliments were not nearly effusive enough to reflect his understanding of Bunny’s genius for the art and science of turning string into clothes. I know I'm not the only knitter-married-to-a-muggle who has experienced this. Knitting can be a very lonely life without other knitters.

We shan’t mention that the dog sweater does not fit, because we will block it until it does fit, she said hopefully.

Cast on plain socks from the Tofu yarn because I need something I can knit in waiting rooms while my eyes are dilated this week.

Four

I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed right now.

First, we have the beagle blanket:

I have a large stash of leftover Paton’s Canadiana in a nondescript shade of brown. I can’t bear to throw it out, even though it is old and fairly cheap and I don’t like the color very much. I have already knit two smallish blankets for the dogs. I figured that this is yarn they can be rough with and that I can just throw in the wash, because I don’t care how they look and neither do the boys. They seem to appreciate having something snuggly in their dog beds to help keep them warm at night.

This latest blanket was meant to use up the remaining brown yarn. It’s going to be afghan squares in assorted stitches, with garter stitch in between. I don’t care about gauge, and I did the math so my stitch counts would come out OK. I thought varying the pattern would make it more interesting to knit. I was wrong. Plus, at the gauge I’m getting, I am going to get to the size I want way before the yarn is gone.

We also have the monsoon socks. Once I get the short-row heel turned, this should be smooth sailing. However: boring P1 K2 rib pattern. Yawn.

And then there is a fair isle dog sweater. As usual, I bought way too much yarn for this, so when it’s over, I am going to have neurotic compulsions to use up the yarn. I really like working the fair isle pattern.

This is my first fair isle project and I thought a dog sweater would be a good experiment, because no one will care if I mess it up, which so far, I haven’t. Please note here that I bypassed the opportunity to use my potty mouth in deference to my mother, who is no big fan of the curse word. If I’m going to be good, I want credit for it.

Looks pretty good, doesn't it?

And over here we have the next sock club socks. I have made huge headway here, knitting one whole repeat of the lace pattern.

Did I mention that I have a lot of leftover yarn from The Man’s raglan sleeve sweater? I think I called that a “bonus.” Moron. It’s a curse. I am starting to hate on myself for not having used it up yet. So this is going to become socks and mittens.

By the way, when I say that GK follows me everywhere, I mean it:

I can’t possibly reveal the extent of my entire stash, but I will show you the (yarn) contents of my knitting bag:

These are the projects in the on-deck circle. There’s a pair of fair isle socks in there; some ribbed socks with contrasting cuff, heel, and toe; some tofu sock yarn that will probably be plain socks; and some Lorna’s Laces that have already been acquainted with YB. I have no idea what to do with Lorna. This yarn is laughing at me. Its continued existence as yarn, rather than as socks, is a monument to my inadequacy, and a constant reminder of the injustice of having been born into (and married into) the class of those who have to work for a living.

This, however, is causing me the most angst of all:


This is a secret project for which it is essential that I get gauge. I am not getting gauge. I have gone down four sizes on the recommended needles. This is my third attempt. It isn’t happening. I despair.

Isn't knitting supposed to be fun?

Three

The Firebird socks are finished. These are sock club socks from Blue Moon Fiber Arts. This is a toe-up pattern with short-row toe and heel, a small heel gusset, and the main pattern in a 3 by 2 slip stitch cable. Me likey. I'm keeping these. Now I can move on to the next sock club sock before the new one arrives in a few weeks.

Two

Finished!


The Man's blue self-striping socks. This was a Regia wool/cotton/polyamid blend, 64 stitch cast-on, size 2 needles at the top and size 1s a few inches down. They are saggy at the top. The Man says he doesn't care, bless him. These took about six weeks to make.







The Man's grey raglan sleeve sweater, handsomely modeled by The Man himself, and posted with permission. This took about three months. Worked in the round on size 7s with a double strand of Rowan Yorkshire Tweed (bought on clearance) in two different shades of grey. I don't much like finishing, so I thought I'd try raglan sleeves, which involve minimal finishing. I liked working in the round in plain stockinette stitch. It was good movie knitting (although I dropped some yarn on the sticky movie-theater floor. Don't tell The Man.) because it was mindless and easy. That is not to say that it didn't kick my ass. For example, sleeve number 1 was worked without increases because I didn't turn the page in the pattern book. This looks a little narrow for The Man's manly biceps, I thought. So I got to rip it back for a do-over. Also, I was about to bind off at the neckhole when I realized that I had managed not to work the shoulder decreases symmetrically. The Man volunteered to walk around like Quasimodo when he wore it so no one would notice, but I decided I could do better. I ripped it back and reworked the shoulders. The first time, I did a k2tog, SSK at the seam every other row. I wanted a more obvious join, so the second time around, I did a K2tog, K2, SSK to make the decrease more distinct. Much better.


Bonus: Since I bought this yarn on clearance with no project in mind, I had no idea whether I even had enough for a sweater. It turns out that there is plenty left over, so I'll probably make socks and mittens.


Still in progress:

1. Beagle blanket. Big, ugly, chewable, and machine washable, plus I get to use up the brown acrylic that's been in the basement for about 10 years.
2. Firebird socks. Sock 1 is done. I am trying to turn the heel on sock 2, but I was KWH and ended up with non-symmetrical short rows despite my copious use of stitch markers, so I ripped back the heel.
3. Monsoon socks. Sock 1 is done. I am working the foot on sock 2, which is good Metro knitting until I get to the heel.

Next in line: dog sweater, grey mittens, grey socks, monkey socks, Bunny cardigan. I need something small and mindless for the Metro, The Man needs mittens (he's hard on mittens--he likes to wear them while shoveling snow so they get all felted and curly), I promised I'd learn Fair Isle by doing a Fair Isle doggy sweater, and I want a new cardigan for the office.

One

1. Beagle blanket.
2. Blue socks.
3. Firebird socks.
4. Monsoon socks.
5. Sweater for The Man.