Something Different

Bunny has been depressed. Her friend Pammie is gone, and we can't open the windows to this wonderful weather because of The Man's allergies, but the real reason I'm depressed is that I have this brain chemistry thing that clogs my head up with shit thoughts like how much I suck and nobody loves me, etc. We are working pretty hard on this, and right now my only real job around the house is to get better, not that I was doing much around here anyway except keeping the whole damn household afloat by the sheer dint of will. Is "dint" a word? I don't know. But anyhoo, I am trying something new this month. I met my April knitting goals (here are the ribbed socks):





They turned out nice. But this month, my only goal is to work on getting better. You heard me.



NO KNITTING GOALS.



NO GOALS OF ANY KIND.



I'm not making any lists. I'm not even carrying my planner around. Just me and whatever the day may bring. Isn't that weird? Well, I think it's weird. I'm used to consulting at least two to-do lists every day.



This mindset has given me a wicked case of startitis. But first:

I finished my muppet stole. I started the second ball of yarn in the car on the way to Pam's funeral. I took one of my special new mellow-making meds, and I worked the muppet stole in the car and then I went to the service and sat with The Man and my boss and my boss's boss and I cried kind of a lot which freaked out my boss and then I went to the reception, which is not normal for me (normally I flee) and I actually stayed for about an hour and talked to people, which is pretty extraordinary for me what with the hearing impairment and the grief and all. I left the knitting in the car.

OK, I lied. I left the muppet knitting in the car. I put an emergency sock in my purse and took it with me just in case, but I didn't get it out.

But now the muppet stole is done. It's cuddly and comforting and I don't care if it makes me look like Cookie Monster's fat old homeless Auntie. Pammie would say, "Hey, Babe, whatever it takes." I really miss her.

And so I have a lot of stuff going on. I'm still churning away at the red lace scarf, and there's still nothing to see. I started a Birdseye Hat from Ye Olde Yarne, and I started a mini sock from the leftover tofu yarn after chucking some leftover Monsoon yarn having determined that it was not enough for a pair of mini socks. I've got something going from the purple lace weight, and I have a new pair of plain ole socks that I'm not bored with yet:

And today I got this in the mail:

A box full of new yarn. This is big news. A whole sweater's worth of yarn just for me! How serious am I about this new yarn?

A gauge swatch. That's how fucking serious I am.

Oh, I exaggerated a wee bit about what I do around the house. I haven't really done much of anything for months except pay bills, make out a grocery list every week, water the plants, and cook maybe twice a week. The Man does everything. I suck and no one loves me, etc.

Ding! Time for more meds!